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League of Large Colored Johnsons (Y)
This article is about the League of Large Colored Johnsons created sometime in the future for no discernible purpose. If you wish to read about the Arknasas family afflicted with gigantism and dyed purple with drugs, you're shit out of luck. Creation The League of Large Colored Johnsons was created sometime in the future for no discernible purpose, although they did occasionally solve mysteries and could, when combined, form Mecha-Johnson. Although they were known to have done this several times, the sequence was animated once and used to pad out episodes when the narrative got a little thin. Members There were five founding members of the League of Large Colored Johnsons: Black, Orange, Purple, Turquoise and Burnt Sienna. Burnt Sienna was later expelled for never shutting the fuck up about the fact that black isn't really a color. Big Black Johnson The most famous and only known surviving member of the league, Big Black Johnson was the first known. Specializing in everything, he was great and you suck in comparison to him. Formed the truck and head of Mecha-Johnson. main article Huge Orange Johnson Huge Orange Johnson was created by evil scientists in an attempt to duplicate the awesome destructive and erotic powers of Big Black Johnson. When Huge Orange Johnson realized that he was intended for evil purposes and that all scientists are gay, he destroyed his creators and their tastefully-decorated laboratory and joined forces with Big Black Johnson. Huge Orange Johnson was a an expert with bladed weapons and explosives. Formed the right arm of Mecha-Johnson. Completely-Not-Small Purple Johnson Is what happens when Huge Orange Johnson gets drunk and has sex with an eggplant. He was pretty much useless except for comic relief. Formed the left arm of Mecha Johnson. Sizeable Turquoise Johnson Discovered in an Arizona Indian Burial Ground, Sizeable Turquoise Johnson looked very good with silver and could summon the Mighty Thunderbird. Formed the right leg of Mecha-Johnson Gigantic Fucking Burt Sienna Johnson Expelled from the League for being a dink. Wrote the tell-all book ''The League of Colored Johnsons: What a bunch of dicks, ''in which it was alleged that the league was largely funded by arms smuggling and sex tourism. Was repeatedly denied readmission into the league before and after publication. Sole surviving member Big Black Johnson was intimated that it might have been Gigantic Fucking Burt Sienna Johnson that was responsible for leading Aborgaxusteetee to Earth, because he was just that sort of vindictive tool. Formed the left leg of Mecha-Johnson Mecha-Johnson Mecha-Johnson was some sort of big robot thing that somehow the League of Large Colored Johnsons could form into despite none of them being robots. It could stomp on shit and do the Moonwalk. After Giant Fucking Burnt Sienna Johnson was expelled from the group, all it could do was hop around in a way that was sad, a bit funny and really scary, because it tended to hop on houses and shit with people inside, so they stopped doing it.